2013: My year in review

Year in Review: 2013

With less than 10 days left in the year, its time to review my year.  Before we get into looking at my resolutions for the year, a “How I felt I did.”

This year felt like a year in limbo.  Despite a lot of attempts, the things I desired to change remain unchanged.  I still have a job that I am not only dissatisfied with, but actively hurts my mental well being.  I did have multiple interviews, and a few close calls...but no new job.  I again hope to be out by summer, but we’ll see if that ever occurs. My lovelife is much the same.  Despite having quite a few interviews, aka “dates,” the year ends with me still pining over the same woman it started with.  I feel as though I have lost a number of friends, but in turn have gained new ones to to replace the old.   My finances are not much better, nor worse, than they were last year.  My health might be slightly better, but only slightly so.  I am quite happy with my living situation though, so that’s great.  

Now, how did I do with my resolutions.

1. Physical Health: I did 12 races in a single year, and in January I will have done at least 1 race / month. But, I fell behind on my upper body workouts.  Overall though, I am pleased with my running and what its done both for my physical health, as well as for my mental.

2. Growing my comic book: This is easily my biggest success.  I completed 2 issues in the year, and have over 1000 unique ip addresses visiting my site at its prime.  I am ending the year looking for a new artist, but also possible other opportunities.

3. Read More: Well this was a dismal failure.  It started out decently, then I started reading a book called Imajica and I’m still suck on it.  Maybe this year I should just hope to finish that single book.

4. Write More: I did alright on this one.  I did write more, posted more to my blog, and other things. A few short stories, a few short prose.  Nothing large though.  I will count this is an acceptable pass.

5. Continue being awesome: Well, duh.

6. Do more video editing: A failure, yet again.  And this may be the last year I try for that dream.

7. Get a New job: While definitely a failure, I did try.  I had a bunch of interviews, and made some network connections.  I am not going to be harsh on myself for this one as I honestly feel like I did my best; but at the same time, I am right now getting ready to clock in to a job where I feel like my purpose is to get abused for the next 8 hours.

8. Go on an adventure:  Eh...not really.  There were excuses for this.  Namely being that in the middle of the year, I ran into something that ate almost all of my free days.  Still, I went to a few mini-adventures.

9. More tattoos: Huge success.  I actually over doubled my tattoos.  I got both my sides completed with big tattoos.  And of course, my beloved Chocobo.

10. Geek out more.  Another big success.  I played a lot of video games, done some serious fantasy writing, play Dungeons and Dragons frequently, and became the Dungeon Master of a small group.

11. Get Good at Something.  Nope, not really.  But I did try.  I really did try, and I had a lot of fun doing so.

12. Family.  I worried less about my family this year.  I didn’t try nearly as hard to “Fix” my families problems. I also spent a good deal time more with some of my extended family.  And of course, lots of time with my best friend.

13.  Help my friend graduate.  Um, it’ll be in the next month or so.   Soon.

Reviewing this, I feel much the same.  I should feel good because of my success with the comic, but I am worried now that I have to find a new artist, what is to come of it.  Again, it pressures that this was the year of limbo.

Gravity of a Lost Moment

Chatter fills the void with nothingness. Words are elongated and pulled apart into the blackest of holes while my mind's machinations finds significant indications in a betraying smile. A backward glance, the search for the perfect word. I fool myself into believing there is more here than there is

All because of a lost kissed. Standing beside her, alone, in the dark. A world of strangers discarded for solidarity. A look into her eyes, a bite at the lip. I had never been so close to what I desired, and I had never ejected so fast.

I recall falling backwards, staring across the growing distance at her. Praying she'd turn around, hoping she'd pull me back in. Instead I watched her head lower. Her cigarette drop and find its way beneath her heel. She never once turned to face me; there was no backward glance in that disappointed sigh. Instead I gave an empty scream that never reached her ear.

I lashed and thrashed like an astronaut lost at space. I desperately grasped at what was out of reach. Perhaps a saving hand did reach out to me, but in my determined lust I swatted them away.

Now I sit across from her, impotent to save myself. I search these star filled nights for a glimmer of that lost moment. To see her finally turn around; to hear her ask me why I didn't just lean forward. To have her pull me back in so I can recover that single cherished moment.

Instead I find myself staring at the light of a distant bright star, knowing that what I see now is already dead.

(12-12-13)