GWAR

GWAR!

Alright, for those who don't know what Gwar is... they are a metal band.  If you don't know metal, you probably remember them from Empire Records (1995), from Mark's pot-brownie dream as the band that tries to eat him.  They are well known for their crazy get ups and characters.  In fact, their CD's and characters have followed a story line of sorts.  The story is something along the lines that they were outcast from their planet, and they are going around the universe conquering it. Earth is their current conquest.

I mentioned above they are metal; more specifically, they are Thrash Metal or Shock Punk.   The fact that they are "shock" should be no surprise when band members have names like "Jizmak da Gusha," and the lead vocalist is "Oderus Urungus" who stands on stage with his massive cuttlefish and broadsword.  By broadsword I mean broadsword.  By cuttlefish, I mean (fake prosthetic) dick.  All the stage hands, that occasionally run out, are wearing man thongs, and their songs and show are filled with jokingly offensive material.

Their concerts deserve the word "Show."  It's equal parts rocking out to thrash metal as it is watching a play.  The "play" consists of a massive amount of decapitation, mutilation, masturbation, and over all attempting to be "offensive."  And by "offensive," I mean its all in good fun.  Come on, its a band called Gwar that is coming out dressed up as aliens.

A big thing, that I forgot to do this year, is to come to the concert in a white shirt, because bodily fluids are constantly being shot into the crowd.  Generally its "blood" spurting from a decapitated body, but when the dead babies come out masturbation does occur.  All these fluids are actually dyes, hence the wearing a white shirt.  You go in, and you leave with a brand new Gwar-stained shirt.  Again, all in good fun.  A note: There are quite a few "Shock" bands that do fling actual bodily fluid or human excrement into the crowd...yeah, not for me...but this show is meant to be ridiculous and fun.

Anyways, onto my experience last night ...with pictures!

Here's the stage.  Yeah, that's a massive drum set.  There are also two podiums on either side of it.

At the end of the set up, a booming voice comes on and announces that its God, and the end days are upon us.  God is going to start by first killing Gwar, and then all of us in the audience.  To kill Gwar, God is going to unleash the nastiest, most horrendous, and despicable people upon Gwar to destroy them.

Gwar comes on stage, to find Romney and the 47%. Oderus (above) uses his sword to cuts the 47% head off, followed by spitting on Romney, and decapitating him as well.  In the picture is one of the beheaded guys spurting blood as Oderus sings.

First picture is Pustulus Maximus, who is actually the newest member.  Cory Smoot played Flattus Maximus (as in, Maximum Flatulence, caused by his diet of eating only Vegeterians) died of natural causes after being with the band for 9 years.  They retired his character, and brought in Pustulus Maximus.

Second Picture is Oderus Urungus.  I couldn't get upstairs, so I never got a good picture of his junk, but it is hilarious.  Next is Beefcake the Mighty, and in the last picture we also see Balsac, the Jaws of Death.  Again, due to not getting upstairs, as well as the massive drumset, I couldn't get a good picture of Jizmak da Gusha.

And some of the people sent to kill Gwar.  I don't know if they named the first guy or not, but after they disarm him, the guy stayed on stage and danced for much of the show. 

Hitler showed up.  They let Hitler defend his actions, in which Hitler just shouted a bunch of angry German at us.  Gwar's response was "Pretty sure you're an asshole," to which they then RIPPED OFF HIS FACE.  His eyes and brain popped out, and his tongue unrolled, and blood shot everywhere.  Unfortunately, the crowd went insane and I couldn't get a good picture of that.

Oh yeah, and bringing out the world's worst people isn't complete until you bring out a pope.  I love the picture I took, the entire silhoueted Rock sign as Oderus puts an axe straight into the pope's head...yeah, rock. They then tore his head, and it spurted blood everywhere.

After that God goes silent, and they decide to taunt God.  Not pictured is they sewed three dead babies together and played "ring around the posies" with them while Oderus masturbated.  Yeah, I purposefully didn't take pictures of that.

They then brought out Jesus, who is "like, the Son of God or some shit like that."  After crucifying him, they decide that was unoriginal, and tear him limb from limb, and flay him alive.  Again, the crowd went wild and taking a picture of that became impossible.  I had a picture of Jesus lower half body surfing, but it was impossible to see what was going on...but yeah.  It did happen.

God remains quiet for awhile, and they keep rocking out.  UNTIL...

God unleashes his ultimate weapon: Giant Cyborg Jesus.  They fight Giant Cyborg Jesus, and defeat him.  Which was just hilarious.

God then threatens to manifest in physical form and destroy them.  They look around, and wait.  He never shows, the green dude (I didn't catch his name) asks when God is going to show, to which Oderus laughs "Oh yeah, God doesn't even exist!"  And then they rock out a little more.

Obama came out and congratulated Gwar.  That was nice of him.  Gwar comes out and tells Obama that they are glad he kicked the shit out of Romney, but...  and they behead him as well.  There was a huge roar of cheer to the kicking the shit out of Romney line.  Obama's death was the crowd's least enjoyed slaughter, but they did just fight giant cyborg Jesus...so everything is in good fun.

And then they rocked out some more.

I did go into the moshpit.  It was manageable for the band prior, but once Gwar got on stage, so many people flooded into the room that it was hard to open up any space for a pit.  Even with that said, it was absolutely ridiculous show, hilarious, and fun.

And that was my experience at my first Gwar concert.  I look forward to the next time they come up, and that time I'll be sure to be wearing a white tee.