2012

The Year was 2012 (AD).

Was.  Soon it won’t be.  Soon it will be 2013, and its time to see go back and judge 2012.

2012 started with me in tears.  2011 ended with me breaking up with my GF, and returning to being her best friend.  But at the beginning of 2012, I realized I was still pining to get her back, and I had to get that out.  I spent the first 2 days of 2012 listening to Modest Mouse, The Cranberries, Alanis Morissette, and writing perhaps one of the most personal scripts I’ve ever written.  As one friend on FB put it, “I’m surprised you didn’t kill yourself.”  Well, the goal was to kill part of myself, or to get it all out of my system.

It worked.  One of my 2012 resolutions was to get over her, and return to being her best friend...and I’m going to say I accomplished that well.  2012 might have started with me still longing for her, but it ended with me feeling like Family.  It ended with me celebrating Christmas with her and her family, and then her with my family.  Throughout the year there were some fights, some low and high points, but at the end of the year she is my best friend, and I’m thankful we worked through the problems that have arisen. This is most definitely a positive for the year, as there were many times things could have gone wrong.  While I’m sure more problems will arise as time goes on, I am confident we’ll fight through those, too.

I also rekindled some old friendships, too.  My move to Portland has allowed me to spend more time with one of my high school best friends here.  Ironically, moving away from Eugene made me realize I was leaving friends down there, and since then my Eugene friends and I have been talking more.  Surprisingly, an old work colleague and I got re-acquainted as well.  We hang out quite regularly, and she’s become my movie buddy.  How could this be a negative? It’s not.

Despite my attempts, I didn’t really make any new friends.  I put myself out there to meet new people, and while I got many new acquaintances, I didn’t get any new friends.  A few people that were also regulars at such and such bar, some of the comedy crew, but not any people I’ll be calling to hang out with.  If they are there, awesome...if not, *shrug*.  So I’m not really heartbroken about this, and won’t count it as a negative.

Same is true with my attempts at dating.  I got to go on quite a few dates with a variety of women.  One is in line for “rudest” end of date I’ve ever had, and another is in line for “craziest.”  There were also lots of mediocre ones inbetween.  One girl I saw regularly for a period of time, but it became obvious early on that we desired different things in the long run and that we wouldn’t ever work out as a couple.  I feel some remorse that nothing really worked out for me this year, but at the same time... I’m glad I’m not settling.  As one friend, who had years of bad dates before she met someone whom she fell head-in-over-heels love with said, its worth waiting for someone good.  It’s a minor negative.

I was in the ring for comedy for a bit there.  One of my resolutions was to really try for it.  For awhile there, I was going 3-4 nights a week.  I got up on Helium, and I was getting to the stage I felt like I could do a paid set.  For that reason, I’ll say I accomplished my goal.  Problem is, it was really taxing on me, both financially and on me as a person.  I’m an introvert, and I felt like I had little energy for anything else.  That’d be great if I felt like I was growing as a person, but I wasn’t.  Comedy is competitive, and I’m a person who does things because I enjoy them.  I like being that person, and comedy was changing me away from that.  There were other problems as well, but thats the main thing.  I might do more in the future, but it will be because its fun for me, and not because I want to make a career of it like so many of my fellow comedians.  While I lean towards a positive, I’m going to count this as a neutral aspect in my life.

I also moved a lot this year.  I lived in three different houses, which I guess when compared to some friends who were homeless for awhile, I should be thankful for.  The first place I loved, but due to unforeseen circumstances, I had to move out earlier than expected.  The next place I found seemed like it was the perfect place.  While the place itself was great, the next 6 months with my roommate made my life miserable.  Near the end, I didn’t leave my room unless I had to because I hated the encounters that occurred.  A quick summation would be “Bad times.”

But after that, I moved into my current apartment.  My current place is less of a financial strain, but more importantly, I have a much improved roommate.  We get along, have great conversations, play the same video games, and overall its a good experience.  I am reluctant to call any place “Home,” and I haven’t had a “home” for years, but I am very comfortable here, and look forward to staying here.  So, despite the “Bad times,” I would consider my living situation as an overall positive.

I had a lot of bad things this year, too.  Opposite of my relationship, I started this year in the job I loved.  I was Quality Assurance as well as a Price-Shopper.  I listened to people’s phone calls, and gave managerial feedback.  I also looked up the rates of our competitors, and made price suggestions for us.  I never dealt with customers.  Hell, the only time in my job I talked to someone is during my monthly reviews with my manager.  During this time, I was able to watch TV while at work and marathoned all of Doctor Who, Torchwood, How I met Your Mother, Babylon 5, and other amazing TV shows.  It was low stress, but I still busted my butt and got a lot of work done that I was still getting high praises from my boss.  Then my manager changed, and all of a sudden my job was thrown into turmoil.  In just a few months with my new manager, I lost my job.

By that, I don’t mean I was fired.  I mean, the heads of the company didn’t like the direction my department was taking (*cough new manager cough*), and decided to get rid of the department in its entirety.  I chose to stay in the company, where over the next few months my duties seemed to change on a regular basis until they finally settled me into a job that has been qualified as “The most stressful, and hardest job” by many of my peers.  I started the year bragging how much I loved my job and appreciated (and felt appreciated by) the company I work for, to feeling completely used and mistreated by my company while having a stressful job.  There are some silver linings in the future, but that won’t happen until 2013.  I’m trying to make the most of what I got, and be happy with what I have (a decent paying job that also gives me benefits), but this is most definitely a large negative.

It did motivate me to look for a new job, which was one of my resolution.  Another one of my resolutions was to do more video work.  I started the year off strong with my search, found nothing, learned how much I liked my job, and became complacent.  With the change, I started looking again.  I went all out.  I used my contacts, I called random people, I asked acquaintances who might know a guy who might know a guy who could have worked on Leverage.  I applied to every film and video job I could find.  So far, I’ve only heard one response, and it doesn’t sound very positive.

During the year, I’ve also been doing volunteer work on a project.  This project has been the project from hell, and I’ve more than once almost tore my hair out because of it.   My part of the project will be finished on December 31st, thank god.  Beyond that, I didn’t get to even volunteer on any other projects, despite what I feel were pretty heavy efforts on my part.  I pushed myself to meet new people and apply myself, to e-mail stranger and reach out.  Nothing.  Hope is awesome when you feel yourself getting somewhere.  But for me, it was crushing.  I almost got more responses when the economy was dead then now.  Film resolution and find a new job resolution are both big fails, and a negative for the year.

Things also died on me this year.  My great-uncle, who was always a hoot to hang out with, saw his health drastically fall and then he died.  We weren’t close, but I always saw him on Thanksgiving, and one or two other times throughout the year.  Thanksgiving will come into a play again here soon.  I also lost not 1, but both of my dogs.  First Lily went blind, and over an excruciating amount of time, her health dropped slowly until finally she had to be put down.  Before we even started recovering emotionally from her loss, her sister Taz, a dog I’ve loved since we raised her as a puppy, got sick.  Her health plummeted.   We thought she was going to recover, and then over Thanksgiving she took another nosedive.  She died shortly after.  There are no positives that can be seen here.

My parents did adopt a new puppy this month.  Ziva, another boxer.  Absolutely cute and wonderful and playful.  I have lots of pictures with her which are absolutely amazing.  But, she is my parents dog, and I’ll get to see her maybe once a month.  I look forward to the next time I get to play with her.  It doesn’t make up for the loss of Taz or Lily though.  People nor pets can be replaced... but it is nice to have her, and I am in love with my little Calamity Jane.

Backing up a little...Thanksgiving.   I’ve talked about it a lot before, and a lot of this will be repeat.  
My Thanksgivings have always been large family events.  This year it was just my parents.  Watching my father and mother “communicate” was heartbreaking, having a dog dying was heartbreaking, and having such a small family was heartbreaking.  I knew that I had lost what I had once considered family.  The word that could be used for this is...heartbreaking.  I am grateful that my best friend was going through a similar life dilemma, and that she was there for me, and that over Christmas I got to experience a large family with hers.  It really helped restore something in me.

Let’s end on two upswings.  One of my resolutions was to get myself in better shape, and do more races, and finish them.  I competed in 3 races this year, the Prefontaine, the Dirty Dash, and the Pumpkin Half Marathon.  I completed the Dirty Dash, that was no problem, but I didn’t “finish” either of the other two.  Despite that, I still feel accomplished.  I ran at least 5 miles of the Pre, but was injured and had to walk 1 mile. Even with injury, I still got an amazing time of almost 10 minute miles.  The race did leave me unable to run for about a month, just enough time to “train” for 2 weeks before the Pumpkin Half.   I ran at least 10 miles of that, maybe even 12!  For having been injured for so long before the race, I feel incredibly accomplished for both.  I am already signed up for three races next year, and have plans to do even more.  Who knows, maybe this year I’ll finally beat my best friend in one of these races!

A big positive, and my major resolution for the year, was to start my comic book.  I found an artist early on, and have been working with him since then.  By the end of September I had pages, by December I was doing minor advertisement, and the very beginning of 2013 I’ll be doing more work.  I’ve been getting lots of feedback, both positive and negative, and I really look forward to seeing it grow.  It took longer to start then I desired, but it has started, and it is rolling right along.

Over-all, I’ll say this year ended on Neutral grounds. It’s very mood dependent, but in a rational mind I think things evened out.  I think the events of this year leaned negative, but my life over-all is better than it was in 2011.  If it weren’t for some very possible, and real changes, coming in 2013 (a big change in my current job, a possible paying job in video, my comic book growing, and some new dating possibilities) I’d be leaning more towards negative... but already 2013 looks like its going to bring good things to me due to my diligence, and possible suffering, through 2012.

Coming soon to a blog near you:  My 2013 Resolution list.